Noctilum Picnic
by NullNoMore
Summary: Doug is bummed and his friends decide to cheer him up. No better way than to have a picnic. Just, don't forget the weapons, okay? Warning: swears, violence, sorrow, human creeps. Set post game, with all spoilers fair game but not central. All the beautiful world belongs to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT (can I get a squee for Breath of the Wild, kids?)
1. Picnic Punch

A/N: Doug gets in trouble. Oooooooooo! Whatever will Alexa say?

Warning: all game spoilers, swears, violence, and suggestions of some nasty creeps in NLA. Really nasty (I was going to make them worse, then backed slowly away). It gets sunnier in in in the next few chapters, okay? All things wonderful belong to the geniuses of MONOLITHSOFT (LoZ: Breath of the Wild, squeeeeee!), although the creeps are mine (ewwww, ick).

* * *

Doug was inspecting the toes of his boots. They could use a polish. Something to do, he'd put it on the list. About the only thing on the list.

Saturday morning, beautiful weather, but I mean beautiful as only the weird weather gods of Mira could make, and he was on his couch, inspecting his boots. Not out on a mission, not even trolling the corridor for a pickup team. On his couch.

He wasn't even sick. He felt great, except for his hands, still smarting a little. And his mood, smarting a lot. You think he'd be immune, but no.

His comm device pinged again. He was going to ignore it, but he knew he couldn't keep doing that. So he picked it up to check who today's lucky caller would be.

"Doug, what the heck?! I'm the one that gets busted, not you! Remember? Stupid stunts? That's me! You didn't even have Tatsu as an excuse!"

"Meh meh meh!"

Amazing. Lin had coaxed a smile out of him. Bless that kid, he loved her. "Hey, Lin. Call to rub my face in it?"

He could tell that Lin was smiling back, even with the piss poor resolution on these things. "I am more than glad to hand over my crown of Queen of Bad Ideas, but not to you. What gives?"

"Look, Irina already raked me over the coals, so you don't need to."

The tiny image gave a tiny wince. "Ooooh, ouch. And that on top of Vandham chewing you out."

"And then spitting Doug very far, ptuie!" came a voice off screen.

"Hi ya, Tatertot, and thanks for that image. Yeah, stupid. I don't have an excuse. I'm dead embarrassed about the whole thing, and I plan to hide here for a while, okay?"

"But then you'll miss the picnic! I invited Cross and Alexa and now you."

Doug dropped his head, and almost cut off the conversation then and there. But he was an idiot, not a coward. "I haven't talked to Alexa about it yet."

"You don't need to. Irina filled her in."

"Yeah, scary BLADE dish aaaaaaallll the gossip."

"How did she have time? It's only been," he checked the time, "88 minutes."

"Must have made a beeline for her. Lucky I was there too, so I got to hear about it. So we planned a picnic."

"We?"

"Me and Alexa. I was going to ask Cross later this week, but today is perfect. It's not like you've got anything better going, right?"

"And Tatsu! Tatsu invite good friends on picnic. This Tatsu's idea in first place."

"I'll explain it when you get here. Wait, no, I'll meet you at the Outfitters' hangar. I think Alexa's got something for you. It's great. You'll like it." And she hung up.

Doug left for the hangar immediately. One thing he'd learned, the longer you put off an ugly chore, well, chances were it never got better. Except when someone else did it for you, but this was not the case. Outfitters gave him startled looks, some grinning, some scowling, some quickly looking away. Dammit, this city was huge and still about as small as a fishbowl sometimes. Maybe he was imagining it.

Then there was a cross between a barking woof and a "go get'em" sound behind him. Not imagining it.

He swung left, into the hangar, because if she wasn't outside (she hadn't been. Tika had glared at him), she'd be found, pummeling some weapon into revealing all its flaws. She had a knack for breaking stuff, in the most efficient and direct ways, stuff that should never break but inevitably did when she tried one of her endless weird combinations. Exactly what the clients needed to know, because eventually, on a bad day, fighting against some indigen just a bit above their paygrade, a regular BLADE would pull exactly that combination and not come back to NLA as a result. But not if Alexa got to it first.

Pity that this left her being assigned jobs where the weapons or armor were expendable. They kept her off of skells all too often, not because they didn't want to know the flaws, but because they didn't want them proven so spectacularly. He knew it was getting her down.

"Dougie!" came a shout from the far left corner. Two smallish skells, Alexa's beloved SR005 model, were standing side by side. He spotted NLA's #1 Skellhead perched on the shoulder of one of them, crowbar in one hand. She waved furiously, then returned to smacking the skell with the tool. She looked like she was sculpting the thing.

He walked over and peered up at her. She kept whanging away at the back of the skell's head, exactly where it connected to the neck. He waited below, not trying to shout over the enthusiastic clanging. Suddenly, there was a pop, and a small silvery bolt flew up and out. He took a few steps back and fielded it easily.

The crowbar clanged to the ground, followed by Alexa. "Nice catch. Gimme." He passed her the object, not a bolt but a sort of hexagonal box, smoothly dimpled at the top and showing numerous scratchier divots from Alexa's attentions. "I've told them and told them, do not use Orphean recorders on the trials, but do they listen? Cannot get them off without persuasion, I tell ya."

"Alexa, I gotta apologize…"Doug started.

"Doug, you lunk, do you think I care? You went ape and punched your teammate a little."

The guy had been sent straight to the Mimeosome Maintenance Center, likely to stay there at least a day. Doug had pounded him flat, and probably would have started on the other two men if a pair of oversized fists hadn't plucked him up like a kitten and tossed him over a table. Vandham, once again arriving at an opportune moment, and fixing stuff himself. Actually, Doug had punched all three of them, but only Davis had gotten special treatment before the Commander shut them down.

The Commander had publicly reamed out Doug for brawling, with his own team, in his own camp. And pointing out that team leaders do not do this kind of thing, at least he was not supposed to do this kind of thing. Which implied that if anyone needed some sense beaten into them, that job should be left to the professionals, to which Doug did not belong. So go home, cool off, and enjoy a week of unpaid leave.

Which was why he was on restriction for a week, no missions or jobs or anything. The one bright point? Vandham had promptly redirected the two standing team members to help on a Zaruboggan support mission. Nice. With H.B. as team leader. Doug reminded himself never to get on Vandham's worse side.

All because of something they'd said about Alexa. Crude, violent, ugly something. With details that made his flesh crawl, and a suggestion that this might be more than talk. He'd ignored a lot of crap from this team, god knew they were losers although pretty good with the cannons, but the trio had gone too far. He wasn't going to repeat it (enough people in the camp had heard, these guys were not subtle), but it was foul enough that his punishment was actually quite mild, and his victims, well, they were on their way to Noctilum, where'd they'd spend at least a week scooping fermented dung out of a cave with a small creepy Xeno hissing ecstatically on one side of them and H.B. pointing out spots they'd missed on the other. Davis should linger in the Repair Center for as long as he could get away with.

"It was more than a little," Doug admitted. "I know I really shouldn't have started it, I get that, and I shouldn't have done something that would get you involved…"

"Doug," Alexa held up a hand to interrupt him again. "I already heard all about it. It's cool."

"Yeah, don't worry, Irina chewed me out about it already."

"Not from her. Well, from her too. I meant, I heard about it from Lara Mara. He's been keeping an eye on them. I asked him to, the first time they tried something. It is not my job to have to shoot dogs, you get me? So I left it to the Mediators."

Doug gaped at her.

"So, really, you've got nothing to apologize for. You probably did them a favor. Mara tends not to leave bodies. I hear he uses every part of the mim." She grinned.

"When was this?!" he shouted.

Alexa shrugged. "Weeks ago. At the Repenta, oh I don't know, it was after a dance off, probably the time we had that epic fail during the spin. They got all grabby in the parking lot. Frye and L helped too, I mean, to beat them off. Kinda fun, actually. How did L put it?" She paused to think. "We put the smack on them? Something like that. Frye definitely enjoyed it. Mara wandered over to help with the clean-up, and he's been on it ever since."

Doug was staring at her in horror. "I'm going to kill them."

"No, you aren't. Don't be stupid. You are going on a picnic with us. I asked special and got us all rides. Ta dah! Speedy and Buddy!"

But Doug was not to be distracted. "You never told me about any of this."

"I figured you knew enough. Didn't you warn me that they were jerks?"

"If you had told me…"

"Not your problem," she said sharply. "You don't have to defend me. Look at me." She stood there, hands on her hips, head up. "Think I can't take care of business? Think I don't know a thing or two about big and deadly weapons?"

He looked at her. Goofy, cheerful, skell-obsessed Alexa. Also, he had to admit, more than a pretty good shot from any distance. And smart enough to rope in the never-to-be-underestimated Lara Mara. Okay, so her style wasn't his style, but she had it covered.

"Anyway, they've publically demonstrated that they are creeps, Mara's going to be their best buddy, and we have a picnic to enjoy. With skells." She didn't squee, but it was implied.

Doug tried to relax, walking around the two models while Alexa pointed out this and that improvement. You didn't really need to respond when Alexa got going, although you couldn't tune her out 100%. There would be a quiz later, and if you failed, you'd get the whole waterfall of skell information repeated at you, only using smaller words and more hand gestures. Learn or else.

But it kept coming back to one thing. She'd had this problem for weeks, and he'd never known. He wasn't sure if he should feel insignificant or grateful.

Finally, he interrupted her. "Hey, Alexa,…"

"Let me finish," she said sharply.

"No, Alexa, next time, tell me, okay? About something this big. I feel stupid, being left out."

Alexa turned away from the skell and the improved control surfaces along the arms that had her in raptures. She looked at Doug quizzically.

"It wasn't a big deal, just kind of dumb guy stuff."

"If even you noticed it, it was big."

She smiled again. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Anything that's big, work stuff, any stuff, I want to hear about it. I don't want to be left out," he repeated. Now why was his voice sounding so pathetic? He needed to get a grip.

Her face was suddenly serious and what grip he had started to slip again. She looked straight at him, and spoke in a voice that was as certain as her love for Skells. "Douglas Barrett. I'm not Lao. I'm not keeping stuff from you. I didn't think it was that big a deal, and yeah, well, I didn't want to get you in trouble with your team, sure. But, I promise, I'll give you all the dreary details of my life, all of it."

Doug stared down at her, stunned. He almost couldn't breathe.

Then she smiled again. "And also as much about skells as I can get you to stand. You listen better than Lin, not so distractible." She changed the subject. "Now, I know you want stupid armor and stupid weapons, and I can get you something nice, but if you don't want the good stuff, you can run home and get your own gear."

"Outfitter potluck?" He shuddered, remembering the revealing Meredith outfits Alexa had a way of persuading him to put on. "No, thank you. I'll stick with my own, thanks."

"Fine. Think you can be back here in 15 minutes? Skell gear only, if you must suit up. You will not scuff these interiors, you hear me?"

"Better get going then." Doug trotted out of the hangar, passing Lin and Tatsu as he went.

"Hey!" they shouted.

"Back in 10, gonna go get my gear," he shouted back, not slowing.

It was a gorgeous Saturday, and he was going on a picnic. Life was pretty good, all around.

* * *

A/N: 7 chapters done, one to go. I'll post it about weekly, hopefully that give me enough time to finish. Next up: the dreadful chore of packing all the stuff you need for a good picnic. With skells! So that makes it it it better, don't you think?


	2. I Promised You a Picnic

Part 2: I promised you a picnic

A/N: Summer time is coming. Does Mira even have seasons? Whatever. The calendar says June and we are going on a picnic. Pure short fluff, post game, swears. All things wonderful belong to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT, and if Buddy and Speedy resemble Ares, well that was an accident waiting to happen.

* * *

"I promised you a picnic, didn't I? Well, you're going to get it." Lin looked askance at the silent Harrier.

Doug was still gaping at the piles and piles of sealed grey containers, each large enough to hold a fully kitted gatling gun. Actually, once he calmed down, he saw only 4. Still, that was a lot of picnic.

"I thought he was getting his skell gear," Lin queried Alexa.

Alexa clapped her hands. "Doug, you rascal, you finally got that fashion augment that everyone discovered, oh, I don't know, 5 months ago." Alexa was patting him down, which he took pretty well until Lin joined in. When Alexa smacked his butt a little too cheerfully, he put an end to it.

"So, sue me. I don't waste my credits like some dumb kid." He shot a look at Lin and Tatsu, the perpetually broke duo.

"Tatsu invest credits where they do most good," protested the Nopon. "Sustenance and research materials."

"Sundaes and funny books."

Lin stuck her tongue out at Doug. "Bllllttttttt. And the fixings for this picnic. So don't insult your hosts."

Looking at the rest of the crew, Doug was glad he wasn't obviously suited up. Alexa had a pink t-shirt and jeans on, while Lin was in her usual shorts. Cross, well, only the most formidable of BLADEs would be caught dead in their outfit: the world's ugliest sweater and a pair of fluorescently patterned Bermuda shorts. And flip flops. And what the hell did they have on their face? Cross rocked the look however, one that screamed, "I am the Master of All Picnics!" Doug had no idea what was under their fashion augment, and had no intention of patting them down to find out. Carefully crafted and very pointy armor from Six Stars? Or whatever overpowered and unique crap that happened to drop from the last tyrant they slaughtered?

Speedy and Buddy were nowhere to be seen. Alexa noticed his glance. "Lin and me moved them to the East Gate. So, if you're ready to go?"

"Oh, and Vandham says have fun," said Cross, softly.

Doug blinked. How did they know that had been worrying him? This week of inactivity was supposed to be a punishment. It didn't seem right that within hours of the start he was going out on a picnic. But if the boss man said have fun… He gave a small smile. His friends, yeah, they were doing their best to make this a good day. He'd try to enjoy it.

No, he'd enjoy it for sure. He knew not to fight the inevitable.

Manhandling the picnic boxes hadn't been a picnic, though. Tatsu had a critical comment for everyone, urging them to be more careful or steady. The turnip wasn't helping to carry anything, Doug noted. Lin almost toppled under the one she picked up, so Doug plucked it out of her hands. He couldn't see much over the double stack of boxes (honestly not that heavy) so he sort of followed where he could see Cross's feet. Alexa and Lin were teamed up to carry the last box, highly inefficient and apparently hilarious, especially as they started to plan the ultimate in summertime skells, the Picnic Manager 4000. PikMan4 for short. This almost had them on their knees with laughter, eliciting a tirade from the Nopon picnic manager. Doug was glad he couldn't see the looks from people that they passed.

They distributed the food among the four skells. Speedy and Buddy, fastest skells on the planet, now improved with back jump seats doubling as picnic transporters. Lin's skell with side seat for side kick. And the Crossmobile. Always changing, a different build on every mission, today in a new eye-watering shade.

"Bubble gum pink?"

Cross shrugged and smiled. "I helped them do it," chirped Lin. "You do a lot of damage to your paint job, you know that, Cross?" she chided the older BLADE seriously. Cross shrugged again and smiled with even more satisfaction.

Alexa started giving him a list of instructions about Buddy the Skell. "Look, don't worry about the extra speed. We're staying together, so don't use it, okay? And remember, it handles really sensitively. No sudden moves if you don't want to hurl."

"I've ridden in Speedy."

"Not the same thing. I don't know," she was chewing her lip. "Maybe you should just ride with me. I'm not so sure about letting you loose with Buddy."

Seriously? She was seriously doubting his ability to pilot this or any skell? But he watched her face and saw the struggle going on in her mind. These prototypes were special to her, and she really was worried about letting anyone touch them. He stifled his immediate sharp retort and chose a milder one. "We need all four skells. We can't leave any of the picnic behind, right? And I promise I will treat it ten times better than I ever treated Lin's monstrosities."

"Hey, they were works in progress. Emphasis on progress!" Lin put in.

"They were explosive death traps. I must have had a screw loose to even sit in one. Come on, Alexa, don't spoil it by going all careful."

Alexa smiled back, although it still didn't look genuine. "Fine, you take care of my baby, you hear?"

"Okay, mom," he teased her. God, she could get protective of skells, even as she wrecked them herself in the name of testing.

Their destination was Noctilum. "Nowhere near you team," Lin reassured him in the same breath. "Actually, we kinda have to do a small errand first."

"Uh, I'm not supposed to be doing any missions," Doug reminded her.

"Now I get to tell you to relax, Doug. This isn't anything from the board, and we aren't getting paid. It falls in weird territory. We just need to give Tatsu a hand with something." She wandered off.

Tatsu bounced up to Doug's knees. "Important diplomatic activity. Very delicate. Team Tatsu improving xeno relations for all Mira," Tatsu puffed proudly.

Doug looked at Alexa fluttering around the skells, and Lin and Cross arguing about the proper order of picnic food presentation (Suna watermelon: appetizer or dessert? Discuss.). Doug wasn't sure how impressed any allies would be with this group, or how valued they'd feel by their aid. But mercifully, that was not really Harrier territory, and so he merely climbed into Buddy the Skell, in order to spend a few minutes acquainting himself with Alexa's darling.

* * *

A/N: Picnic! We'll get there in time for both Canada Day and the 4th! This is the summer of no Wii U, as the children squat on the thing (curse you Tokyo Mirage and Crunchyroll). Next up: Tatsu runs his errand, and I get to write Noponese, sweet.


	3. Potato Salad

Part 3: Would you like potato salad with that?

A/N: Tatsu has a quick and delightful chore to do before the serious picnic starts.

Pure fluff, slight xeno spoilers, and no swears (amazing!). Any corrections re. canon appreciated. All the good stuff belongs to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT.

* * *

New Los Angeles was Tatsu's home. He enjoyed the plentiful comfy and dry surfaces for napping: couches, beds, park benches. He enjoyed the multitude of different individuals to insult, er, to interact with. And the many people that fed him. All without having to travel very far at all. He was a very lucky Nopon.

But Dodonga Caravan was Tatsu's first and family home. No matter how tasty the muffins were in New LA, how cushy the cushions, Dodonga Caravan was not to be replaced. This was where his clever mamapon and darling if silly brotherpon and sisterpon lived. This was where he had taken his first steps as an adventurer, where he had first dreamed of exploring all of Mira. The humans of BLADE had made it possible (indeed, they had kept him from becoming lunch for Prone), but if his heart had not grown that way first, it would never have happened at all. And his heart had sprung from the embrace of Dodonga Caravan.

Traditionally, the Nopon moved, often and irregularly, but with the arrival of so many different and sometimes dangerous customers, most caravans had settled into semi-fixed locations. Smaller groups might still shift about, only a single merchant or two, but the main groups were now fixed, one to each continent. Perhaps with the Ganglion at bay, if not destroyed, his people could resume their traditional ways. But not just yet, and for the moment he was glad. It was handy, not having to spend many days tracking down his family.

As the skells wove their way through the enormous speckled green leaves of Noctilum, Tatsu peered through the windscreen of Lin's skell. There it was, the Whale's Nostril, such a distinguished landmark. A covered canyon just past the main leaves of Old Dragontail tree. The caravan's location was very comfortable if slightly shady. Very safe. Anything trying to reach the caravan would set off a warning buzz of insect swarms. If something very large pushed its way in, there was the quick escape into a narrow entranced cave. Big or small, there was protection, and it was his mamapon that had figured it out. Such a good caravan leader.

The skells landed at Noctilum Base Camp 6. As always, Lin's landing was more enthusiastic than Tatsu would have preferred, but this time he didn't complain. He was too eager.

"Out you go, Tatsu," said Lin cheerfully, but the emissary to all Nopon was way ahead of her. He was already making a fast bouncing beeline for his home.

"Hey, wait up." Lin pattered behind him, even as the rest were checking in with the BLADEs stationed there.

Tatsu wove through the slumbering insectoids with ease. Lin followed his irregular path, he noted with satisfaction. Very wise of her. The humans might be intrepid explorers, speedily surpassing the local races, but there were still a few tricks known only to Nopon.

However, he was not able to sneak into his home completely undetected. Within seconds of reaching the edge of the caravan, he was swarmed by pink and golden forms. "Dadapon! Dadapon bring presents? Dadapon bring food? Dadapon bring a pony?"

"How do they know what a pony is? And why do they still think you're their dad?"

"All males of family have natural charm. It gift and curse," Tatsu explained smugly. "But Tatsu not sure what pony is. Linly explain: pony food or present?"

"Uh huh," Lin said. "None of the above, to everything you said. Where's your mom?"

No sooner said than Tatsu's dearest mamapon came forward, shooing and scattering Tatsu's foolish siblings. "Tatsu, my brave sonnypon! Vanquisher of Prone and other bitey and ugly enemies! Your mamapon so very proud of you! You become heropon AND caravan leader some day, just like Koko always knew."

Her words left Tatsu feeling puffier than a glowy sky whale. "Tatsu could not fail faith of Mamapon."

Koko gave one last proud bounce and then looked stern. "Enough about past. Koko have idea for future. Where useful friends of Tatsu?" She peered past the edge of the caravan. [Secret Miran Nopon weakness: they are almost all short-sighted, relying far more on hearing and smell and other non-human senses to go about their business. Tatsu's glasses were a strong break with tradition, as were those of his dadapon, one that had made them both feel excluded yet visionary.]

Tatsu bounced impatiently, because the rest of the team was taking quite a long time to reach the caravan. He suspected that was because either: Cross and/or Doug had decided to flirt with the local assigned BLADEs; or, they had decided that the easiest way to reach the caravan was by walking directly through the watch-insects. He listened for the sound of weapons fire.

Pew. Shing. Pew pew pew pew!

Tatsu sighed. The caravan would have to round up some more insectoids to replace those his friends were casually slaughtering. Nothing new in that, though. This was not the first encampment where his mamapon had used creepy crawlies as watch-insects. How many times had he had to do this as a littlepon? It was one of the first fetch quests his mamapon had ever entrusted to him. He had always enjoyed naming them. Wiggly, Screechy, Snappy, Cutty, Crunchy. It didn't matter which one had which name, he never could tell them apart.

Cross and Co. were there shortly. Alexa looked flushed, Doug looked itchy, and Cross looked smug. Koko greeted them as Tatsu introduced the first two. "That crazy human who like mech?" whispered Koko, not quietly enough.

"Yup, that's me."

"Lord, Alexa, your reputation reaches into Noctilum," muttered Doug.

"My reputation will reach into the furthest depths of space, if I have anything to do about it," Alexa stated proudly.

"Koko always say, if crazy done well enough, then it look like smart."

Cross punched Alexa in the shoulder while Doug gave a startled choking noise.

"Anyway, friends of Tatsu, Koko pleased you came so quickly. Not surprised, but still pleased. Koko have excellent idea, and as leader of Dodonga Caravan, this something humans must help with."

"Lay it on us," said Lin.

"City in Skybowl hold many different people. The cute, the squeaky, the creepy. They all work together and make business booming in new home of Tatsu."

"It's true," said Alexa. "We get along great with our new allies."

"Mostly great, except…" muttered Doug before Cross shot him a quelling glance.

Koko proved that her hearing was nothing if not excellent. "Yes, yes, Nopon hear about crazy evil humans, but friends take care of their own garbage, so we write it off as bad fruit. On average, humans good allies." She nodded and bounced before continuing. "Koko decide that caravan need allies too. Not just humans. Caravan play host to more."

"Oh, I see. You want to improve relations between all the friendly xenos! That's great, Mrs. Tatsu Koko, ma'am." Lin beamed at her.

"Relations? Koko want to make better trading for caravan. To be honest, ideas of local Nopon starting to feel boring. Pompon hat or puffy hat not exactly groundbreaking. So, if friends send over one or two xenos, sooner is better. Also, please send ones with small appetites or big weapons. Koko prefer having both."

"Weapons?" said Lin, weakly.

"Plenty hungry uglies outside caravan. New guests can teach them lessons."

"Mamapon always a model of economy!" Tatsu fluttered about his mother, doing the Dance of Compliments.

Tatsu spent a little while longer, getting the exact details of his mother's plan. While she didn't have any particular preference for xeno guests, she suggested that a Prone male might feel, er, cramped in the limited space of the caravan. Also, he might feel hungry, which was definitely to be avoided at all costs. So, strictly out of kindness, she suggested sending a female Prone or Wrothian, or perhaps the burliest Orphean they could scrounge up. Tatsu didn't have the heart to tell her that Orphe and burly were not usually found in the same individual, but he swore he would do his best, if he had to start a training regime for the stick-bug-like aliens himself. Would protein shakes help? Wheat grass? He'd ask L for advice later.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A/N: Ah, it is hard to write in Noponese. I much prefer to to to write in Ma-non, you know? Hey, check it out! No swears at all, not even hints. The trend continues in the next section, with Lin's voice. Mercy, it is a breath of fresh air to be out of Doug's head, much though I love him.

Doing this in a rush, because I'm determined to put up the picnic for Canada Day. Next up: Come and get it, the picnic is on.


	4. Life is a Beach

Part 4: Life is a Beach

A/N: Don't you love a good beach party? I still don't know if Mira has summer, but it does have beaches and watermelon, so it is on.

Hey, guess what? No swears, no danger, and no skell geekery. Relish this wonder, kids.

All things beautiful and wondrous belong to the clever folks of MONOLITHSOFT.

* * *

"Mission: Enjoy Picnic" was going splendidly. Lin was quite content that all of her preparations had come to good use. Even if Tatsu had stolen a whole suna watermelon the minute they had reached the beach. How such a little guy with even littler arm appendages had managed to wrestle it away and up onto a ledge was a mystery. She'd deputized Cross to retrieve both him and it.

Except Cross hadn't returned with either. Just with a very big grin on their sticky face. Well, luckily she'd packed a second watermelon, but she sure wasn't going to share it with Tatsu. Or Cross, except there was no denying them anything once they'd set their mind to it.

The group had eaten and talked and eaten some more. Even Tatsu had rejoined them after a few minutes. She'd brought fried chicken and potato salad (which she'd offered to everyone, saying loudly that she could always make more, from scratch, AT ANY TIME, AT ANY PLACE). She'd brought puffy frosted sugar cookies. She'd brought fruit skewers, strawlenny and kiwegg. There had been enough punch for everyone, even if there wasn't quite enough watermelon.

Perfect. She packed a mean picnic, if she did say so herself. At the end, she'd opened Tatsu's special box, which he'd refused to show her before they came.

She hadn't been pleased by that. "Come on, Tatsu. What if we bring the same stuff?"

"Tatsu know exactly what Linly bringing. Linly recite it daily for week. Not same at all."

Now they unwrapped a small wooden box, as carefully prepared as a birthday present. Inside it, lying in a sort of nest, were five small green cups made from bananaleaves. Each one contained a droplet of clearest jelly, and swimming, no, floating in each was a morsel of godmelon, carved in the shape of a floaty sky whale.

"Whoa," said Lin.

"Special Nopon delicacy. Only for best of friends," said Tatsu. She looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge his sincerity. It used to be hard to tell when he was sarcastic or bragging or scared, but as the months had passed, she'd learned to read him pretty well. He was fairly still, no bouncing, and his hat had the slightest tremble to it. He really cared this time.

"This is incredible, Tatsu. You ARE the Heropon of Bento."

Tatsu glowed almost as brightly as the godmelon, and only the daintiness of the dessert in his hand prevented him from launching into several sturdy bounces.

Lin and Alexa slurped their desserts quickly and eagerly, Doug with more skepticism. Cross ate theirs with ceremony. When all four were done, Tatsu nommed up his. Then they sat for a moment, quietly wondering at the flavors and feelings this treat evoked.

"So," Lin announced. "I made all this food. You guys get to pack up. I'm going to build the best sandcastle ever made on Mira." First sandcastle, possibly, didn't change that it would also be best. "Anyone want to help, come on down. Once the picnic is all cleared away."

She strode off to the edge of the water and started marking out a large outline for her proposed structure. Rectangles and squares and a path for the moat with several bridge outlines. She kept her back to the group, willing herself not to peek at what a mockery of a cleanup they were doing. As long as it all got back in the skells, she could sort it out once they got home. She was not going to waste a minute of time or gram of anxiety about it. None. Nope.

Alexa joined her within a few minutes, and enthusiastically started adding more outlines and arguing the possibility of multi story buildings. "You could try those flying buttress things."

"I think that only works for real construction materials."

"Well, in any case, we'll need more sand. DOUG!" she shouted without warning. Lin winced.

A pause and a sleepy grumble from the area of beach chairs. "Whaaat?"

"Get down here! We need muscle." Alexa winked at Lin. "And bring the emergency base kit."

A pause, and the sound of someone rummaging in a skell. Doug came plodding down to the two sand architects, carrying a lumpy canvas bag.

"Perfect." Alexa started rooting through the bag, tossing out various useful and specific tools needed to set up a small emergency camp should a team get caught on a mission, unable to return to an established base camp. Lin wasn't sure that spewing them all over the wet sand was the greatest of ideas.

"Since when have your precious prototypes started carrying full BLADE gear?" asked Doug.

Alexa's voice was muffled. She was practically upside down into the bag by this point. "Since we got mumble in Oblivia that mumble, with the mumblestorm, remember?"

"That was weeks ago."

She popped her head out and smiled at Doug, her cheeks red. "Yeah, there was a little bit of flak about that trial. More rules. Blah blah, talk about boring. Okay, where are you, you little goomer?" She dove into the bag again and then gave a whoop of glee. "Entrenchment tool get!" She shoved it at Doug. "Be a good Harrier and dig us some sand."

He made no move to accept it. "That's Prospector work."

"I'm officially transferring you for the duration of the outing. Shovel!"

"Yeah, Doug. All BLADEs gotta work together for the good of the whole," lectured Lin, wagging a finger at him. "Dig, Doug, dig!"

He rolled his eyes, his face still glum, and snatched the tool out of Alexa's hand. "How much and where do you want it?" he asked resignedly.

The two young women told him exactly where and what and left him to it, while they started on the foundation of Chateau de Skell. It had risen above Lin's knees in no time. Alexa dug out a collapsible bucket, and gave that to Doug too, ordering him to bring water to temper the sand. He grumbled, but sloshed water with a will. Lin was glad he was feeling more himself.

Lin focused on construction. It must have been a good hour before she took a break to examine the whole of it. The center building rose from craggy rocks, the jagged edges carved from the sand. Extruding from the rocks were hints of patterned rings. The walls were smooth and several raised bridges linked it to fluted towers. She'd added a dizzying number of stairways, zig zagging up outer walls, or spiraling around center towers. And the roof! It had flanges, it had bulges, it had gargoyles. It was great.

Alexa had left about midway, saying that her back was killing her. Actually, Lin could now see her, lounging on a blue lounge chair (where had they come from? The frames were miranium, but the cloth? No idea) and flipping through a glossy magazine. The cover looked like the latest Weapons Fan and Fashion Weekly. Cross was halfway up the cliff side, rock climbing their way back into Noctilum. Tatsu was probably asleep under a fern. Doug was digging away like a professional ditch digger, muttering under his breath. And she was Queen of the Beach. Each to their own pleasure.

"Mission: Enjoy Picnic" complete. 0 TP, 0 credits, Fun in Sun hologram.

* * *

A/N: Can you spot the line that my eldest child INSISTED I add? We were rolling on the floor, I tell ya.

I had Tatsu's dish in Japan, given to me by a friend. Maybe I did it justice. And remember, godmelon can be found at FN202 or your favorite Miran specialty grocer.

I should have stopped here, and if you don't care for poorly written battle scenes and extreme skell geekery, I don't blame you either. Because that's what's coming . But first, swimming is a happy exuberance. And... Happy Canada Day! We need Nopon fireworks, stat!


	5. Fast Travel

**Part 5: Fast Travel**

 **A/N: Never let Cross go swimming. Never. You will get a 7.25 out of 10 if you do.**

 **One swear, and skell geekery to the point of innuendo. All the sweet goodness belongs to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT (and let's spare some love for the localizers 8-4).**

* * *

Alexa and Lin were geeking out over Speedy's engines. Well, Lin was geeking and Alexa was getting a residual high. Most of what the younger Outfitter said was a little too technical even for Alexa to get on the first listen, but you can be sure Alexa was taking notes on just what aspects she needed to review, in greater and loving detail, back in the comfort of her own room.

"… And that's why you're going to be stuck with whatever weaponry they design into the wee little beastie at birth," concluded the dark-haired skell wunderkind. "You just can't expect something this small and fast to risk any balance issues. The range of weaponry is going to have to be pretty limited. People need to realize, if you're going to want something different, you're better off configuring something really heavy, say, a Mastema White Reaper."

"Sakura's known for loving uniformity a bit too much," Alexa conceded. (Hot sweet uniformity, she didn't bother to add.)

"That's fine. Some of the special jobs get really hard to take care of. I should know," said Lin with just a hint of pride.

"Still thinking of building your own from scratch? Because you know I'm in to help whenever you say the word."

Lin was not destined to respond, as her comm device went off at exactly that moment. Eleonora's voice came across, not excited but not cheerful. That in itself was concerning. What she had to say was even more so.

"Lin? Are you still with Cross?"

"Yeah, the picnic's in full swing, and…"

"Well, I hate to bug you, dear, but you're the nearest available team. There's been a report of kidnapping. Nopon."

"Who could get kidnapped by a No…" Alexa started to ask, when Lin hushed her.

"A Nopon merchant, travelling from Oblivia to Noctilum, through Primordia. She checked in to New LA a week ago, and crossed into Noctilum shortly thereafter. But she still hasn't reached Dodonga caravan, and her home group is getting worried."

"Koko never mentioned her, and we were just there."

"She may not have realized that the merchant was headed her way. Apparently, there was something about this deal that was," Eleonora paused delicately, "not well known."

"Ooooh, off market kiweggs?" joked Lin.

"I'm not going to speculate," said Eleonora, a touch severely. "But your team is closest and we'd like you to start from her last known location. I'm sending it to you now."

"Wait," interrupted Alexa. "We've got, um, Doug with us and…"

"Yes, I know that, and considering the circumstances, we're going to ignore his little problems. I'm sending a team to relieve you but I want this investigation started now." And Eleonora hung up smartly.

Alexa looked at Lin. The teenager's eyes were huge. "I don't think this is about fruit," she murmured. "Eleonora seemed almost rude."

"Okay, no problems, the skells are packed, we'll see what we can see. No worries, right?" Alexa reassured her. But she didn't feel that calm. For all their difference in age, Lin had seen a lot more combat that she had. If the teen was nervous, this might not prove as easy as your normal weapon test run.

Lin turned away from the beach and towards the lounge area. "Tatsu!" she yelled. "Cross!" She looked up above the beach. Tatsu had poked his hooded face over the edge of a ledge, but Cross, so recently rock climbing, was nowhere to be seen.

"Linly need something? Have more dessert?" asked Tatsu hopefully.

"Do you ever think about something besides food? We got a mission. Come on down, because we need to go. Where's Cross?"

"Climby climbing."

"No they're not."

Doug had wandered up from the waterline. He'd kept digging a humongous moat for the magnificent Chateau de Skell sandcastle, even after Lin had declared her part of the creation done. Something about digging seemed to soothe him. He was shaking sand off the hand shovel Alexa had found for him. "I'm no Cross, but will I do?"

"We need you too, don't worry. But where's Cross?"

"They said they were going swimming. Took off a little while ago." Doug paused, wondering if he should describe the bathing suit that Cross was wearing. Nope, no, not something he felt like sharing in front of Alexa. Lord, he hoped he wasn't blushing either.

He was surprised at Lin's excited response. "What?! You let them get into the water and swim? Doug!"

"What am I supposed to do? Tell them no?"

"Doug, you idiot! Never let Cross go swimming! Ever!" Lin was clearly furious.

He shrugged and flicked some more sand off the entrenchment tool. "It's been 30 minutes since they ate. They're not going to get a cramp."

"They're probably half way to Sylvalum by now!"

"You're exaggerating."

Lin and Tatsu shared a pained glance. "No, trust me, I'm not." She fixed Doug with a hard glare. "You saw which way they took off. Go out and get them back."

"I can look too," offered Alexa.

"No, you need to call Dorian caravan to get some info about our missing trader, and I'm going to call Koko. Doug, just bring Cross back, got it?"

"Call them on their comm link," he suggested

Alexa already had hers out. "Not answering. Go, Dougie, go! And be careful about sudden turns, got me?" she shouted as he trotted towards Buddy the Skell.

Doug swung into the skell, snapped himself in, and took a deep breath. He'd love to shoot out across the waters, but he forced himself to run a quick check of the engine levels and other gauges. Pointless, probably. But necessary, always. A careless pilot was worth only about as much as a smear of greasy smoke. Satisfied, he engaged Buddy.

Like he'd told the others, Cross had headed out swimming, and yes, towards Sylvalum. Doug punched up the sensors to see if he could get a reading. Nothing. Doug rose up as high as he could go while still being able to spot a small swimming figure on the surface. Then, gingerly, he increased the speed, first to fast, then to Buddy's extra fast capacity…

… and got a little of the feeling that Alexa always got around skells, whether on the ground, in the air, or photographed on a cereal box.

Whoa. This skell was fine, and fast, and whisper quiet, and responsive, and…

And right on the edge of the horizon was a dimple in the water. Something too small to be an indigen, splashing along contentedly. Cross, or so Doug hoped. He maneuvered the skell down. Yup, it was the missing team member. Doug didn't hit the surface at once, not wanting to swamp Cross with waves, but did a loop around them, planning to pass and then return.

He'd forgotten Alexa's warning. As he reluctantly cut Buddy's speed and swung around back toward Cross' location, the skell did a sharp 360 degree spin, one an Olympic ice skater could envy. Even with restraints, Doug's head smacked against the headrest. His piloting experience wasn't wasted, however. He kept his hands steady, cutting the speed slowly. No sudden actions to make things worse. Buddy came out of the spin and moved forward as if nothing unexpected had happened. Doug gave his head the briefest of shakes and looked back where he'd last seen Cross.

Cross was gone.

Doug had to fight panic. Had he swamped Cross, for all the care he had taken? Or had an indigen grabbed Cross entire and dragged them below? He let the skell hover, as he spun it around, frantically trying to spot his team mate. If he'd gotten there a little faster, if he hadn't been distracted, his mind whispered at him.

Over his patched in comm device, he heard Alexa's voice. "Doug, um, you can come back now."

He tried not to sound as worried as he felt. "I almost spotted Cross, but they disappeared somehow." Dammit, his voice was almost cracking. He took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I don't know, they're here now. I turned around, and, well, they were just standing beside Lin."

"What? Impossible. I just saw them, I'm sure."

"I don't know what to say, Doug, but they're here. Dripping wet but not particularly out of breath."

"Weird," muttered Doug quietly.

Alexa's voice dropped a bit too. "You're telling me. I'm making a list."

"You'll need extra paper. I'm coming back directly." Which he did, grimly. The return wasn't quite as much fun, even though it went even faster.

* * *

 **A/N: In honor of the 4th of July, we get the last of the pure fun. It gets mean after this. Why can't we just have a nice picnic?**

 **Next up: looking for Nopon in all the wrong places, and something nasty.**

 **And yes, I was referring to the infamous Game Informer score for XCX up at the top. I'm calling them out on it. 7.25. Really? Really?!**


	6. Rust Lake at Sunset

**Part 6: Rust Lake at Sunset**

 **A/N: The team is on a search mission. That is a rescue mission. That is a recovery mission. Because, on Mira, when things go downhill, they do it big.**

 **Swears and violence against Nopon, not funny. The wondrous scenery of Mira and co. belong to the amazing geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT.**

* * *

They'd checked in with Koko, a flying visit really. The caravan leader had little enough information, beyond a confirmation that the missing trader was not on the up-and-up. One of those Nopon who had profited too much under Ganglion rule to be completely satisfied with the safer but crucially less profitable dealings with New Los Angeles. Koko took this opportunity to stress that not being in mortal danger with one's commercial allies was always the smart play in the long run, and usually in the short run. And to ask when the team would be bringing her a friendly xeno, preferably heavily armed and willing to fight angry enemies, to be her guest. Clearly Koko was all for the long run taking the least time possible.

No one at the nearby base camp knew anything at all about missing traders. "This isn't good," Doug pointed out. "This swamp doesn't exactly lend itself to following footprints."

"We'll just start where they were last seen," declared Lin.

Another flying visit, literally. Base Camp #7, right past the land entrance to Noctilum from Primordia, was no help either. Sure, they'd seen the trader two days prior, a small group of Nopon actually, on foot, no pack animals. The humans had given the group's leader suggestions, but they hadn't spent any time following them. Even stopping to rest, the missing Nopon should have reached Koko's caravan by now. Short and sweet and useless.

Meanwhile, Tatsu bounced along the acid pools, making faces at the numerous indigen. He muttered about how much Nopon generally hated the sharp toothed and long snouted and let us not forget ever hungry diluses, as well as the waters they inhabited, whether acid or fresh.

"If you don't like it so much, you should keep away from them, dummy," shouted Lin. Tatsu had a retort, and Lin had a response, and it began to feel endless. Cross was somewhat strained, trying to restore order between the bickering two. Alexa shrugged and went back to looking over the skells.

Doug wandered over with a smug expression.

"So, was she cute?" asked Alexa with a grin.

"Yeah, sort of," blushed Doug, scratching his neck. "She also said something interesting about the trader." Cross was instantly alert, and Lin and Tatsu magically hushed themselves. "Annie told me that ..."

"Who's Annie?" asked Lin.

"A cute Prospector that Doug was hitting on. Pay attention," chided Alexa.

"Ahem, one of the base camp personnel said the trader mentioned not being in a rush, since they didn't have to meet anyone for a few more days. She assumed the trader was talking about Dodonga caravan, but what if it was someone else?"

Cross frowned and growled oh so quietly.

Alexa couldn't help but share Cross' obvious suspicions. "Ganglion. Shoot. I really hate those guys."

"You're jumping to conclusions," said Lin unhappily. "Maybe it's something else? Off-license Nopon merch? High end voltant?"

"Yeah, maybe. But, um, Lin, it fits too well. If she liked working with them before, maybe she never stopped."

Already, Cross was punching away at their comm device. Within seconds, they grimly held it up to the group, opened at a recent report of Prone movement, logged one day before from the base camp on the edge of the tainted area. A small group, possibly moving south towards the land bridge. No other stations had seen anything. Other teams had been watching, but nothing.

Doug nodded. "That fits. Even if we're wrong, it gives me an idea. If the trader wanted to meet someone on the quiet, she would have gone on the western side of Rust Lake, not the side closer to the caravan."

"That side very soggy, and end in dead."

"It's 'dead end', not 'end in dead', dorktater."

"Meh meh, Linly being mean…"

"Lin trying to help one of your idiot countrywomen." And the arguing started again. Meaning that it was already decided. The group would trace the western route as far as they could.

Something was bugging Alexa, and she couldn't help but ask Doug. "Why is no one looking for them? The Prone, I mean. We shouldn't be letting threats wander around like this."

Doug sighed. "We're stretched pretty thin, 'Lexa. There's indigen, there's maintenance, there's rebuilding. And the Ganglion that are left, well, right now they need to take a number. No one's going to look for a half dozen Prone in Noctilum."

"We're looking for one Nopon."

"More than one, and we like Nopon."

Cross was listening in and nodded firmly. "Not subtle, the Prone. If we can't find the Nopon, maybe we'll switch targets."

And back they went. This favor for Eleonora had started as a drag, and was not improving. Although the flickering of the glowing pollen and the blue flash of butterflies made the scene peaceful in a humid way. They left the skells at the bottom of Old Dragontail tree, Cross with eagerness, Doug with marked reluctance.

"Come on, I'm the one that's supposed to be addicted to these beauties," teased Alexa, as she adjusted her javelin and rifle.

"I kind of like having them around, in case of surprises," Doug admitted.

Cross gave a sharp look. They had definite opinions on teams that were too reliant on skells, but they diplomatically kept their mouth shut. No point, really, when their expression spoke loudly and clearly. Doug looked to the side, his face flushed, and not from heat.

The western path wasn't all that dangerous, and would probably be preferable to the eastern one, except that it did, as Tatsu put it, end in dead. Open water, mercifully fresh but full of diluses, resembling crocodiles to the 3rd power. The passage had started leafy and safe, with a number of fairly friendly dancing spiders and prancing ponies, but eventually it reached water. If you wanted to go further, there would have to be swimming.

Cross' face broke into a silly smile.

This did not go unnoticed. "NO, no more swimming!" shrieked Lin. But that left them on a bank, looking blank. No footprints, no Nopon, nothing.

Tatsu had complaints, nothing new, but this time he had a point. "Nopon do not like swimming. Bad for fur and merchandise."

But Alexa had spotted another route, fairly obvious once you started to exclude water. She was already climbing up and over the lake on a fallen branch-root. "Come on, we can go a little further." Cross was right behind her, then Lin and Tatsu, showing a combined lack of balance, then Doug, warily watching the rear.

At the crest of the vegetable arc, they could see another path weaving around a narrow space between valley wall and towering rock groupings, with the hint of the lake in the distance. Returned to the ground, the team found the path to be just as leafy as before, views blocked by green ferns and pink glowing flowers. They had to bash only one indigen, a single buzzing adsecula that swooped by their heads, weak enough that Tatsu did not have time to flee too far from the battle. Nothing to dissuade an experienced trader.

The path ended in another beach, broader and more open than the first, and devoid of any helpful roots to climb across the water. It wouldn't be a long swim to the several small green islands dotting the northern end of Rust Lake, but each land hold came with its own protective dilus, sunning itself and awaiting a new meal.

"Well, that's that…," began Lin. "Cross! Get down from there! What are you doing?!"

Why was she asking? Cross was clearly trying to rock jump their way around the edge of the lake. After a running start, they were up and onto a shoulder high ledge, and already eyeing their next jump. Alexa shouted encouragement, even though this was clearly not a method any Nopon would have used.

Doug had wandered over to the farthest edge of the beach, spotted with small waist-high ferns, puny by Noctilum standards, and a few small silvery rocks. He called out, "Alexa, c'mere a minute."

She turned and joined, leaving Lin to harangue Cross. "What's up?"

Doug was backing away from the area, eyes still on the sand between the rocks. "Just, could you get Cross over here? And keep Lin and Tatsu away."

The angle made it hard for Alexa to see anything, except maybe something that had been a campfire. Huh, a beach barbeque. Perfectly innocent. Something like that should be perfectly..

"Oh dear god no…"

"Just get them."

Alexa was as good a climber as anyone in New LA, even Cross (something about having to repair skells top to bottom, why bother with a ladder when it's faster to scale the beauties), and she was by their side and yanking them back in a second.

She wasn't so good at keeping Lin from joining Doug. He had her in a bear hug by the time they got back, howling into his shoulder, and Tatsu couldn't even squeak, he was bouncing so frantically.

Alexa and Cross moved closer to inspect the scene. It was something repellent. On the edge of the beach, between two innocent rocks, were the ashes of a cooking fire, and the remnants of a meal for Prone. The entrée was not chicken.

Both Tatsu and Lin were still beside themselves. "I think we better get the kids back to Koko, let them rest there," suggested Doug. "This is going to be ugly."

Tatsu stopped twirling madly, although his bounces continued to be outsized. "Never! Son of heropon not leaving his team! Crazy talk!"

"Then calm down, you heroic radish, and let's think this out," snapped Alexa. Lin was scrubbing her eyes, taking gulping breaths, but doing her best to compose herself. Doug was still patting her on the back.

Cross was crouched by the fire, placing the grisly remains in order. Lining the pieces up by size and purpose. Alexa didn't know much about Nopon anatomy, nor did she wish to get a crash course in it today, but she understood what they were up to.

"Three members of the trading party, is that right, Doug?"

"Yeah, that's what Annie, um, that's what the base camp staff said."

"Well, Cross here has found the remains of only…"

Cross grimly held up two fingers.

"Of only two victims. Unless the Prone ate something entire." Alexa had to shudder at the thought.

"Once Prone start fire, they cook everything. Very gently, nothing raw. Nopon little bit glad to see fire starting." Tatsu spoke clearly and with only the slightest waver in his young voice. It was too easy to forget that this had been his destiny once, until Cross and crew had rescued him. He might be the goofiest furball on the planet, but he was not untouched by horror.

"So we still have a rescue on our hands. Possibly. This fire wasn't that old. Noctilum weather would have erased it otherwise."

"So we catch up and pound them. Do we have a plan?"

"They'd head back, and fast. But they had to be on foot, because they didn't have any ride." Alexa pointed to the sand. "No tracks, no landing, they're on ground. I'm not sure how they got across Rust Lake, though."

Cross dove into the water, followed by Alexa, and this time no one stopped them. They were gone only a few minutes, before returning. Their report was simple. "There's signs of battle on two of the islands. The dilus didn't stop them."

By this time, Lin had contacted BC 2, right on the land bridge between the two halves of Noctilum. "No one's seen them moving past. It's possible that they haven't gotten that far yet."

"Then we wait for them at Elephant's Trunk. Give Speedy and Buddy a chance to shoot some stuff." Alexa looked almost eager.

"I've warned all the other Base Camps. And Eleonora."

"What'd she say?"

Lin shrugged. "She thanked us and told us to keep her informed."

"So this is still our job?"

Doug grunted. "Not officially, but yeah, it's still our job."

* * *

A/N: This was slow going, partly because I'm not as familiar with the landscape or the party. A good excuse to run this leg multiple times, right? A lot of diluses sacrificed their lives for art. Next up: an improbable, possibly non-canon fight, because that's what I felt like writing.


	7. Elephant's Trunk Swings Both Ways

**Part 7: Elephant's Trunk Swings Both Ways**

 **A/N: Time to beat up some Prone. And whatever else crosses their path. No worries, right?**

 **Warning: swears, violence, game mechanic geekery, and very poorly written battle scenes. All the well-organized material on Mira belongs to the clear thinking geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT.**

* * *

When the group, flying low and quiet, reached Elephant's Trunk, they had to make a decision. The path branched and if they stayed together, one of the two paths would end up unguarded. Hard as it was, wrong as it was to split up, they ran a real risk of missing the Prone attackers if they didn't do just that.

Alexa looked at Doug. Doug looked at Cross. They all looked, just a flicker, at Lin. A flash of glances, blink and you'd miss it. Alexa realized two things at once, but kept her mouth shut. Tried to anyway. Just as she started to speak, Doug beat her to it.

"Cross, do you mind having Lin? Alexa and I'll take the lower pass."

"Hey, I'm not a liability or anything…" Lin started to complain, but Cross had already nodded and gestured towards their skell. Tatsu didn't need convincing, bouncing straight behind the confident BLADE.

Lin shot an angry glance at Doug, then shrugged and followed her half of the team.

Minutes later, over the comm devices, through the skells' speakers, Alexa's voice rattled sharply in Doug's ear.

"You know, dopey, that having two prototypes alone is a bad idea. If we hit a snag, we'll hit it twice over."

"Sorry, 'Lexa. But I had to."

"I get it."

He kept explaining anyway. "I'd do anything to keep that kid safe. She's got a better shot with Cross, on ground or not."

"So you're handicapping me with the weaker partner, being you."

"Anything. I'd do anything. Sorry. My gear is crap for ground fighting. This skell is cute but I don't know if it can punch. Either way, I trust her survival more with Cross. You're stuck with me."

He couldn't see her smile, but it was there for anyone to hear. "Doug, if you weren't so uptight you'd realize I'm already totally behind this. Given 15 seconds, I'd have said it myself, and not so smooth. Later on, we're going to have a little discussion about my not even being a contender for the strongest party member. Plus, you're going to eat your words regarding the twins."

"I brought a fork," he said quietly.

Her laugh was soft in his ear. "Come on, let's scuff up the prototypes."

"Chances are, they've crossed already."

"Yeah, no, Cross doesn't think so. Magic reading of campfires and studying of twigs, blah blah. Do not ask me to bet against the Best Person on the Team."

They stationed themselves, not too far north of the local base camp. Doug could hear music over the comm, Alexa running through her playlist on Speedy's surround sound feature. He tried to get comfortable and stay focused at the same time. Clearly a fail, because when a transmission from Cross crackled in his ear, he flinched back so hard he almost smacked his head on the back of the seat.

"You're going to need to back off, further north. Exit your skells, hide them, get ready for ranged attacks."

"Cross, are you nuts?! What is it about you and ground fighting?"

"We can't tip them off."

"Go to hell. I'm fine with letting them know they're about to get wrecked."

Lin's voice waivered in the air. "They have a hostage. We hope." The communication cut off. Well, shoot, no arguing with that, none at all.

Alexa was already traipsing further up the trunk, so Doug pushed Buddy the Skell to follow her. It was a tricky prospect, finding a place to hide a skell in Noctilum. Sure, there was a lot of foliage, most of it on the largish side. But a lot of it was also not inclined to let you use it to cover a skell. Some of it was actively and viscously not so inclined. Even gentle rock formations would reliably rise up and stomp on you. No crouching behind those, pity. They finally had to fly almost to the northern end before it felt safe to park the skells, and then they had a long stretch of backtracking. They returned to their planned location, breathless and hot. Cross sent a brief message, no likely signs yet, get into position.

Doug settled in for a wait. Again. Actually, other guys in his team hated this part, but he was surprisingly okay with it. One breath after the next, form a routine for areas to check, shake that routine by looking the wrong way occasionally, one more breath. If he got bored, he focused on the humidity. Even if he had been really wearing the red tank and camo pants of his fashion gear, he'd be sweating, and the skell wear was positively clammy. Supremely cool and comfortable when hooked up in a skell, it was not his first choice for ground gear.

Alexa scooted over. He frowned at her. Not a good idea to bunch up. But she had a determined look and an open case of augments beside her.

"Where'd you get those?" he whispered.

"I was a Girl Scout, always prepared. Hold still." She was swapping augments on his gear before he could say a word. Not his weapons, but his armor. How she could hone in on the locations when she couldn't see them, he didn't know. She was fast too, which was good because if she'd messed with his leggings much longer, well, good that she was fast. He checked the results, and felt gratitude.

"Figured you didn't need much in the way of fuel recovery, right? Melee boosts, because I got distance covered." She patted the most retro and pathetic looking rifle he'd seen in a while. She winked. "Do not be deceived, this darling will do the job. You can focus on scooting in and getting the trader safe," she whispered before rolling back into cover.

He heard them coming before he saw them. Amateurs, but not to be underestimated. Whispering in their low voices, must be males. Actually, it was the sound of foliage moving that announced them. He waited, and waited, until he could have touched the leading one. As he stood up, tapping his sword to light it up, Alexa opened fire from behind.

The battle, if you could call it that, promised to be short. He stuck to direct blows, the light forming small arcs, not even focusing on appendage damage. It was going to be too easy. Except he knew Mira never was easy. He waited for something to go wrong.

Not wrong. Milsaadi. Long limbed, hook bladed, fast, quiet, assassins. What were they doing here? No reports of Milsaadi in Noctilum, ever. And yet down they dropped, like marionettes from on high, then leaping away and behind him. He'd never really respected their strength, still didn't, but their speed was deadly. He swung and missed, swung and missed, spun and shifted, focused on a single one and lept to match and finally connected. The needle-like figure flapped backwards, landing flat, and Doug launched himself directly down onto it. He'd leave the Prone to Alexa, she could pin them down, maybe all of them at once.

The worst thing was, he knew there were more. Milsaadi never acted singly, rarely in pairs. If you met one, you'd just as likely meet five. He counted three, assumed there was at least one more. Well, one less now. He flicked his attention to an open space to his left, with no figures or even shadows, but a good place to attack. He'd be there if he had their agility. He jumped up, as hard as he could, and his luck held. Connection, straight on, to an enemy that hadn't been there a second before. Pushed it back, staggered it, and a shot from behind finished it. Alexa must have taken care of the Prone already, good game.

He and Alexa struggled through the fight. He was taking too many hits, too fast, for this to work. Hopefully Cross and Lin noticed the noise and would show up soon. Or maybe not.

Then Alexa went into overdrive. How'd she get that much energy stored that fast, with that pea shooter of hers? He'd ask, but later. He rattled out strategy and she filled it in, and where her rifle had been a disappointment, he could have no complaint about the javelin. Especially since it swept the enemy, making aim less of an issue, and with these vicious filigreed jack-in-the-boxes aim was always an issue. He'd gotten a chance to finish more than his share, and the battle ended.

He stood there, panting, while Alexa ran back towards the fallen Prone. The Milsaadi had pushed them quite high up the Trunk, away from the main group. He could see her rooting through the Prones' gear, opening the cases they'd been carrying. Suddenly, she cried out. Not one but two Nopon rolled out of a box, a blue one limp, the other, more of a golden green, bouncing instantly.

"Is that one okay?" Doug asked "And wasn't there supposed to be only one?"

The active Nopon started yammering, possibly in English but she was so keyed up Doug couldn't understand practically any of it. It seemed to consist mostly of names of Nopon, and howling, and curses on the Prone, juicy ones, and more wailing, and the same Nopon names. He realized, suddenly, she was calling out for her lost employees.

Alexa was ignoring her, busy scanning the motionless xeno. Doug had his comm link out and was calling Cross when there was an explosion in the back of his head.

He'd counted one too few Milsaadi. He couldn't even twist to see what he knew was there. Instead, he watched the grass rush up to meet his face, felt the ground tilt to catch him straight on. Someone else was screaming but very far away, a mechanical voice was chittering much closer, the ground should have stayed smooth but it was bouncing…

Ignore all of that. Lie still, count to three, listen for the whistle of the blade. His sword was still in his hand, bad mistake that. The Milsaadi had no respect for humans and that's why they could sometimes be beat. Doug snapped it on and swung back blindly. And his luck held one more time, he knew it, because even beam swords feel some resistance when they connect. Then he stopped for a while.

"Get up." Somebody was nudging him. Kicking him. Not exactly hard, but not with respect. God, he hated Milsaadi. He rolled over and looked up into Alexa's face. Well, that beat Milsaadi, although come to think of it, their women, whooo mama, er, never mind. Alexa looked a little battered, but still had her smile. She reached down for his hand. He didn't feel like sitting up, but it would have been rude not to accept her gesture. Her yank almost took his arm from its socket, but it got him on his feet.

"Need an aspirin?" she asked cheerfully. "Because your face is a mess. Oh wait! That's your regular face." And she was laughing like an idiot.

He wiped dirt and grass off his cheeks and forehead. He had to snort a little Noctilum out of his nose at that. Ugh, he must have hit the ground hard. Lucky he could still get up.

"So, about the Nopon..."

Alexa was pounding him on the shoulder, in an attempt to get more turf off his armor. "Alive, I think. They were a minute ago anyway. I swear, Harriers cannot count. One two three four FIVE! Those string beans never show up in pairs."

* * *

A/N: So very slow to write, whiiiiiine, luckily Eldest Child had advice to manage awkward plot points. So slow, I'm breaking it into two.

Do you get that I have a thing about Milsaadi? I want their respect so bad, and then they kill me. Then I get angry and stomp on them with a skell and feel like scum. And sometimes they kill me and my skell, and I feel like nooby scum. So I had to to to have Doug win, right? And OH GLORY, I HAVE TO WRITE MORE BATTLE SEQUENCE WILL THIS HORROR NEVER END? Next chapter has exactly that, and then we can go home.


	8. Will It Never End?

**Part 8: Will it never end?**

 **A/N: Alexa used to like trees back on Earth. On Mira, not so much.**

 **Warning: swears, appalling battle writing skills, and EXTREME skell geekery (because, yes, it's back to Alexa). Also, my attempt at Spanish (please please! correct). All the interesting stuff belongs to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT.**

* * *

It was very simple at this point. Get the skells, get the Nopon, get back to safety, either Dodonga Caravan or New LA. But the skells were far away, and the Nopon weren't going to be easy to transport. The trader was still so overwrought that Alexa couldn't get near her, and the unidentified injured Nopon looked like he might not survive being toted across Elephant's Trunk, no matter how gentle they were.

Alexa tried to contact Cross, again. Nothing. She looked at Doug, holding a compress to the back of his head. He still wasn't looking 100% after the massive hit he'd taken. She had passed worried and was considering entering panicked. But, no, that wasn't necessary, she hoped not, and it certainly wasn't wise.

"Look, Doug, you sit here and try to get Ms. Bounce to calm down. You're good with females. Time to branch out, right? I'll go get Speedy."

"Sure. And Buddy," said Doug, vaguely. Was he slurring his words? Not good not good not good.

Alexa sprinted north, back to the skells parked under the woods. She didn't worry about rousing anything along the way. Let them rise up in anger. They'd have to catch her first. She'd been fast on Earth, and her mimeosome wasn't a second slower. She tried to remember what the school track coach had said about breathing, about trying not to let it get ahead of you. Not sure if it still applied to mims, but she could use a good quick distraction right about now.

She'd never seen Speedy looking quite so lovely before, strong and dependable, with spindly-legged scirpo sniffing at its feet. She didn't even wait for it to swing low to pick her up. She leapt onto the outside of the pilot's housing, popped the top of the windshield, and slid in, twisting as she went. One hand lighting up the engine, the other getting the restraints on. Then she paused. Something inside her told her to check the engine stats, which she did, then to check the weapons and armor and augments, which she did. You did this, every time, or eventually you died, one time. She really did not want to die with a hamper full of picnic scraps in her jump seat.

She rose up and over the land bridge, not bothering to go too high, just enough not to set everything off endlessly. She looked for Lin and Cross and their skells. They should be easier to spot than an anxious Nopon and a concussed Harrier. Still nothing. Where were they? Skells are so much bigger, they should be showing up on the horizon.

She spotted them, indeed clear against the sky, shifting to palest pinks in the afternoon. Hard to miss such a distinct figure, arms swinging, low, slow, with birds circling its crowns. She blinked, hard. No, no, wrong thing on the horizon.

"Oh crap," she stated flatly. Because the figure there was not a skell, far far too tall, tall like that hidden old growth redwood that she'd gone to see once, hiking and scrambling with only a super secret GPS coordinate as her clue, something she'd found by accident in the forestry library (so quiet, so empty, so great for cram sessions). She'd reached it too, only she'd had to lie down to even start to understand how tall it was. It was mind boggling and comforting and just a little scary.

If she didn't start focusing, she'd be dead, because Yama the Obliviator was quite a lot scary.

Alexa didn't even try to guess why it was this far north. She just wanted to grab Doug and the Nopon and get them away before it aggro'ed on somebody. But it was already too late. Down by its ankles, a small, casually dressed figure was swiping away with a photon sabre, and not getting very far at all, at least not that she could tell. Man, did he have the wrong gear to go up against this behemoth. Worse yet, he wasn't moving with the grace she knew he had, more like a raw recruit. Not good not good not good…

Focus! She had a skell and that was nothing to sneeze at. Except … Speedy was all wrong, too. None of its weapons was going to do much against Yama's freaking 100% ether resist. "Oh crap!" she said again, to emphasize this thought. As soon as she got back to New LA, she'd write such a blistering memo about this weakness, the dev team would need to ice their eyeballs for days after they read it. If she didn't see them in the flesh first, in which case they'd need to ice their ears (and possibly jaws). If she died, well, she'd haunt them, not nearly as satisfying. And that was probably going to be the end result.

Except…

She didn't land, not exactly, and she certainly didn't shut Speedy down, just set it to hover almost at ground level. Moments later, she was again crawling up out of the top of the pilot's cab and flinging herself over his back. Tricky, with his wings still flaming out. But this was the fastest way to swap an augment directly onto the weapons, while they were still exposed, not tucked back safely. Screw safety. She burnt her hand and scraped her knuckles, and she fumbled one augment, almost dropping it, for an excruciating second she called herself every name for fool in two languages, before snatching it to safety and smacking it in place.

Then back in the cab, and back into harness. And that thing that told her to double check, she did that, but it never told her how fast she should do it. She checked really really fast, faster than Speedy with a tailwind, faster than a thirsty Frye with a full glass of vodka, faster than Mira and ugly.

And turned her eyes to Yama. "Hola, baby. Wanna dance?" She had one weapon that might work, and maybe it would be enough to draw that sucker away from Doug.

Sure enough, the flick of Speedy's flail was enough to get the critter's attention. Fair damage, too, she thought with satisfaction. She counted seconds as the weapon readied itself for another attack. More crucially, she scooted the skell towards the tyrant's front, not for attack advantage (although that was a plus), but in order to get a precious few meters more between it and the Nopon. And Doug, if he would just fall back. He didn't, and he was useless, and she could have kicked herself because she had tweaked his armor all wrong for this enemy. Right for Prone, she'd been so focused on Prone that…

And not focused on Yama, dammit, it swatted Speedy back, right as they were about to launch an attack. Please say the flail wasn't damaged, she muttered, checking the indicators, because if that was true, she should just exit Speedy right now and throw rocks at the tyrant.

It was worse than she thought. Once the skell had come to rest after a few hard bounces back, it stopped responding at all. "No, no, come on, Speedy, talk to me, sweetheart, cariño, come back to me!" She was scanning the readouts, something about an internal overheating loop, requiring a full 60 second shutdown. "Baby, we don't have 60 seconds!" she shouted. If she could maybe force a manual restart, maybe she could jump the wait.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow darken her windscreen as Yama raised both its fists over the motionless skell.

She was still tapping at the control screen, trying to shake Speedy loose from his slumber. Above them, destruction was on the downswing, gathering speed, fully capable of putting both skell and pilot out of action, maybe permanently. No hope, none at all, but she kept at it.

Suddenly, Yama took a step back.

"Gotcha! You're not going anywhere!" squealed a young voice over the comm link, the sweetest voice she'd heard all day, and Yama froze, arms locked in mid air, as Lin bound it, timing it to perfection. Cross was on the other side, their skell armed with a pair of mechaswords that even to Alexa's eyes looked ridiculously large. Cartoonishly huge. Blessedly wonderful. They were the answer to the prayers she hadn't wasted time making.

Funny, how boring a battle could be when you had your enemy's number. Cross (or rather, Cross' skell) went after Yama like a weedwhacker, and the tyrant shed appendage after appendage. It hardly ever escaped the purple bubble of Lin's control. Even Doug was doing damage again. Only Alexa had to sit it out, nursing a battered Speedy. By the time her skell had reset itself, and the systems were willing to reply to her pointed requests, the fight was over.

First thing once it was clear, she raced to check on Doug. Well, of course she did. Skellnut or no skellnut, she knew you checked your partner first. He was kneeling in the turf, looking absolutely drained. "You okay, Doug?"

Lin was beside her in a second, comm device out, running the scans twice. "It's not that bad, I don't think. Fluids are wonky, but nothing we can't fix at the caravan. Can you stand?" She looked worried, but not badly so. Alexa took heart. Lin was a genius, but she usually was a poor liar.

It took both of them to help him to his feet. He was leaning against Alexa when Cross wandered over, carrying one Nopon gently and followed by the other. Miraculously, the previously hysterical trader was calm and clear eyed. Cross the Charming strikes again, no xeno can resist, thought Alexa without the slightest touch of envy.

At this point, it really was very simple. Everyone into skells and safe to Dodonga Caravan. Cross squeezed their two fluffy new friends into the Crossmobile, although that much Nopon was going to block the view worse than any fuzzy dice on record. Lin helped Alexa get Doug into Speedy. Somebody else would get Buddy the Skell, eventually, but that was something to think about later. The ride would be short, cramped and safe.

Crammed together in the pilot's cab, Alexa chatted at Doug on the flight back, mostly out of nervousness. She still didn't like his pallor and glazed eyes. "This is becoming a habit, Doug. If it keeps up, I'm going to need to build a side car like Lin."

"Just go easy. My head's killing me," he muttered. He looked terrible, but sounded a little clearer than before.

"If you're going to hurl, warn me. I'm gonna catch hell from Sakuraba anyway, but I can at least try to keep some of my deposit."

Doug breathed slowly and deeply. Oh please, let her joke about his stomach be just that, a joke, otherwise that would be the last straw. But it was nothing, just breathing. She could tell he was looking at her, but she kept her eyes to the front. This flight was going to be perfect, not a wobble or a dip, she'd was not going to mess it up.

"How'd you get Speedy to punch so hard?"

She smiled. Leave it to Doug. Even as the Enchanted Forest was handing him his hat in battle, he was still checking out Speedy's weaponry and what it could do, and figuring the result against the standard specs. Pure Harrier, gotta respect that.

"I know a thing or two about tyrants. Big or small, if you can strip them of resist, you have a chance. So I slapped an augment or two on Speedy." She had to feel a little smug.

"Must have been a lot more than two. Learned that at Girl Scouts?"

"Nope. Figured it out myself. Mi abuelita raised no fools, get me?"

"Got you. And very glad of it, too. Thanks, Alexa."

Thus ended the perfect Noctilum Picnic, as catered by Lin and Tatsu, and with entertainment provided by the combined forces of Nopon, Prone, Milsaadi, and a goddammed walking forest. New LA would look pretty relaxing by comparison. Alexa muttered something to herself, as the lights of the caravan twinkled up ahead.

"What was that?" asked Doug.

"I said, do you think there is a Miran word for 'staycation'?"

* * *

 **N/A: Done, and damit basta! Any advice/corrections about Spanish (please, that above all) appreciated. Also, on tactics/Ares 90/augments (because, yes, this is what Speedy will become once they finish developing him).**

 **We got Alexa, because 1) skells and 2) I was bored of Doug, boooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeed. Sorry if it is as dry as a GameFaqs sticky. Yet, this is what lights up my head. And one more squeee for Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (with 100+ MONOLITH employees shoveling untold goodness onto Hyrule). S . Q . U . E . E !**


End file.
